Category: Weeknotes

Week 36 – 12/05/19

Trapped at the surface. Unable to dive down into the detail. Scrolling down for ever. Like a toilet roll spooling into my mind. Not present in the outside world. Screen dragging me in. Nits of brightness making me a nitwit. Not reading anything. No critical thinking. Nothing sticking in my mind. No application of myself. I say I want to be better but if I really did I would do something about it. Boring. Write this shit every week and usually delete it. Get happier. Stop being so hard on myself. Don’t write bits of weeknotes when you have had too much whisky.

Feels like I spend way too much time on things that are not making things for customers. I need to fix that. Going to measure exactly how much of my time I spent doing non-customer related things. I bet I forget to do it because I have meetings.

Trying to get back into reading again. Bought an actual physical book. Open Up – The power of talking about money by Alex Holder. Four chapters in and it is exactly what I need. A work orientated book but that is grabbing my attention and is well related to work we are trying to do at the moment.

Went to see Avengers Endgame at the IMAX. It was very good. I wonder how iconic it will turn out to be with half the world seeing it?

Watched American Animals at home. It was pretty good. Soundtrack was better. These days I only seem to consume ‘new’ music from film and TV. Had a good Spotify session after. Drunk a lot of whisky (and wrote that top paragraph and the next one)

Drawn to people on twitter who have things I don’t. Skills and capability wise. Interest. Knowledge. Just do stuff attitude. Seem to be living a good life not showy people but those that seem well read, know art, travel, eat interesting food, know things. I know this is a fools errand comparing your life to others. I just want to feel and know and do some more of those things.

Enough of this sub par misery lit. It was a good week overall. Some good project progress. Had some drinks for a leaving do. Interviewed a nice person for a new role. Went for an impromptu take away and drinks with friends. Played football in the park with the boys. Watched some amazing Champions League football (and missed a lot of it deciding to watch Line of Duty instead). All that being said I want to leave the late night Monday writing to stay in because it can’t all just be what I feel at 8pm sober on a Sunday when I usually write this. Need all weeks naval gazing to be in it. Need to be more open and a bit uncomfortable writing this stuff.

Week 35 – 05/05/2019

Felt a little out of it at the start of the week. Move to proper product focused scrum still feels far away. So much process already, so much more needed. It feels right but so many artefacts and a feeling of artifice. It is because I don’t know it well enough and I just want to build stuff. I don’t want to engage with enough of the detail. Staying too high level for reasons I can’t explain. Fear of failure? Looking stupid when I don’t do something ‘right’? Imposter syndrome bullshit? Procrastination as an excuse for laziness or fear of it not being perfect? Let the process makers make process. Let the process be applied to me. Learn how to build stuff better.

Breathe. Stop being a miserable prick. There were lots of highlights this week.

Reached a big milestone on a big project. One that should enable us to get to release a very big thing soon. It felt really good. We did break the website for about ten minutes during the first attempt at the release in the morning but that made the successful release in the afternoon feel a bit sweeter (for me anyway).

The feeling of delivery release was quickly quelled with an annoying hurdle for the next phase but the amazing devs were amazing and got over it by Friday.

Talking of good things I saw a badger in the garden for the first time, the furry little thing triggered a solar security light and I got a glimpse of it briefly. I have seen their shit on the lawn before but good to see the actual culprit. Really quite lucky with the garden wildlife we get. Not so much the variety of animal shit in our garden.

I watched the Robin Williams Documentary, Come Inside My Mind. Brilliant mind, flawed in so many ways. Loved this quote from Billy Crystal. He needed that little extra hug you can only get from strangers…that laugh is a drug. I can imagine that is quite the drug. One other thing that stood our for me were his amazing clothes. Dreadful. I would watch a follow called come inside my wardrobe (which looking at some of his shirts it looks like someone may have done)

Polished off Halt and Catch Fire series 3 (another long put off series). Got well into it after a short while. Some great lines from Joe Macmillan that I might try out in the office. The time jump for the last two episodes of the season was really jarring, so much so I had to check I was watching the right episode but it was a stroke of brilliance.

My wife went to Tenerife for the weekend with two of her oldest friends (old as in longest time not as in ancient although they are both getting closer to 40). Single parenting for 4 days. Children still alive. My blood pressure is not too bad either. We had a good time, watched some films, played some computer games, went swimming, played some football and went to see some Leonardo Da Vinci drawings. A week that got better as it went on.

Week 34 – 28/04/19

One of my team returned from maternity leave this week. It was great to have her back although she was none too happy about all the stuff that was going on when she left that still had not been delivered. Lost in focus, other things taking precedence, only so much resource, other excuses I have not thought of yet.

Did a politically silly thing this week. It was semi successful but with some blow back the full extent of which I am unsure of. Frustration made me do it and I think I did it for the right reasons i.e. to get something moving that is a little stuck (and blocking us doing a lot of the things mentioned in paragraph 1). Some movement on said massive beastly project (not as a result of my silly political thing) but just a speck of light at the end of the metaphorical project tunnel.

Feeling a little detached and out of things as I try to play a little part in making a bigger transition organisation wise to ‘proper agile’. Again feel like I am missing out on other things that maybe I should be focusing on but if we don’t get this change over the line it will be bitty project work for ever more and that just won’t do.

We said goodbye to a much loved, highly skilled and upsettingly young engineer. Lots of beer was drunk. I stayed out too late with people a lot younger than I. It was a good end and now this young man is on to the next phase, of what I suspect will be, an impressive career.

Finished watching Fleabag series 2. It is as good as everyone says. I also binge watched series 2 of The Good Fight (after binge watching series 1 last week). I had put off watching it for a while and I forgot how much I loved The Good Wife. Great telly week.

First running since the half marathon. A little 5.7k that felt horrific. An 8.2k run to work which felt a bit better but still a bit of pain in my knee and hip. New running goals needed for May as I want to get faster. New work goals needed for May as I want to get faster.

Week 33 – 21/04/19

Think I realised what I like to do most. I don’t want to be investigating the constraints or working out what the measures should be for the product I want to be doing the designing once all that important stuff has been defined. Coming up with ideas on how to solve problems and design interfaces and services and stuff. I know this is a bad thing and is part of the designing…but it is annoying doing all that other stuff, well a lot harder than it should be.

I got called out for giving a negative update to some senior folk. A long project that is dragging way more than we hoped and I was pretty down about lack of progress. The people doing the graft though need me to be more upbeat especially as they are doing hard painful work to get this thing live and need motivation to continue. Really glad I got called out on it.

Thankfully it has been a lovely Easter Weekend. Friday a first trip to the National Videogame Museum. It is a bit average and needs some one with a bit more taste and love for video games. I wish Tigershungry could be involved in making it better. Saturday we finally got our kids a Nintendo Switch they had been saving for over a year. Went to the oldest football ground in the world. Had lots to drink with friends. Sunday we went to Longshaw and then for pizzas and more drinks. Lovely weekend. Sunshine is great isn’t it.

Week 32 – 14/04/19

Some stuff happened at work. Some good. Some not so good.

I enjoyed Mike Bracken’s post on digital transformation.

Today I ran the Sheffield Half Marathon and it was ridiculously difficult again. Got a personal best but it felt like a failure as the last 8k were so slow. Managed 2 hours and 20 mins. Was hoping for at least 5 minutes quicker. Let’s try again next year.

I am very tired and I can’t type anymore.